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So are you a Discordian?
by Malaclypse (The Younger)
Yes, indeed; you, my friend, may very well be an honest-to-goodness Discordian -- without ever even realizing it! There
exists
in this world (and has always existed) a healthy number of special
people -- yes, very special people -- who are tied (often to their
protests) together in a philosophical propensity towards an
appreciation of Chaos.
Sometimes this is intuitive, sometimes overt, sometimes seemingly accidental; but always, in essence, it is but the Goddess
Discordia ("Eris") presenting evidence of Her divinity to this
elite society.
As far back as we can trace, the Goddess Eris was worshipped by
the ancient Greeks as the Deity of Strife and Discord; the Romans
re-named Her "Discordia"; but now.... but now She has reappeared
on the theological scene once more: THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY IS RETURNED!
WHAT IS THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY?
There are three movements of Discordianism at large in the world
today (actually there are five, but two are remaining hidden where we can't find
them). Generally there is the ERISTESQUE MOVEMENT
which is absolutely convinced that it is ordering the entire world
into a more manageable one; but in fact, bungles things so badly that
it perpetrates Divine Chaos to a delightful degree (how easy any
of this would be to any well developed Bureaucracy). A few people fall into the
ERISTIC Movement: Eristic Avatars, who are individual manifestations of Chaos in thought and action (if you
find one, handle them with care, they are precious); and then the Lay Compilers
Of Truth, a brilliant bunch, that writes Discordian Holy Writ, without
even having an introduction to Eris or the Erisian Mysteries. For
example, the best-seller "Catch 22" by Joseph Heller, is a marvellous
Eristic work. But none of this represents esoteric enlightenment; and to this end we present: The ERISIAN
MOVEMENT, a
group dedicated to the theological understanding of Eris and The
Principle of Discord, and to disorganizing into one grand chaotic
religion all those who can gain sufficient insight.
THE HISTORY OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT
(Paraphrased from "The Honest Book of Truth" by Lord Omer Khyyam
Ravenhurst, H.C., Bull Goose of Limbo & Protector of Switzerland,
one of the founders of the Erisian Movement)
Discordianism, as a disorganization, was founded back in 1958 or
59 or something when my colleague, now Malaclypse (The Younger)
and I were observing the chaos spread out before us - the immediate
vicinity, the state, the nation, the world, verily: The Universe!;
when all of a sudden the air became still and no sound arose from around us!
And, for no apparent reason, the glare became black as
the bowels of midnight! Then ... a piercing scream arose from my friend
hidden in the dark, and the earth began to rumble -- then light of
fantastic intensity, from nowhere yet from everywhere; and then
nothing but stillness and I could stay conscious no longer. Eventually
I came to, to find men in the aisles weeping and women mysteriously
prostrate across the lanes (we were in a bowling alley at the time)
and there before me: Malaclypse (The Younger) in a spasmodic fit on
the floor. Quite obviously, something profoundly supernatural had occurred. My friend was revived and stammered out the following
account of his vision:
"It is so obvious now! How blind we have been! All of this chaos
could not have just happened -- it is no coincidence that Pickering's
Moon goes around in reverse orbit, or that the Pentagon is riddled
with -- aye, founded upon -- confusion! Somebody had to put all this
discord here!" "Yes, yes, yes," shouted I (for then it was clear,
now once stated). Cried he: "And you. my friend, and I have a
Holy Appointment; together we shall found a new religion -- The True
Religion -- under the guidance of the supernatural Power you just
witnessed: that of the Goddess of Discord!" And with that, he
promptly swooned again, not to awaken for five days and five nights.
Over the next five years, we, together, probed and researched
the philosophies of the world, discovering that the Greeks and Romans
had known Her (in an imperfect form) and that She had lain all but
dormant as a known deity for two thousand years. As time passed,
and the work continued, and insight followed glorious insight,
the Erisian DISCORDIANISM was born.
THE ORGANIZATION OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT
Generally, Erisian Discordians are in The Legion of Dynamic
Discord and as Legionnaires they respect Chaos of all sorts, acknowledge the divine status of Eris, and pass out literature and things.
Upon acceptance into The Legion (which is granted upon request) they
receive a packet of all sorts of garbage explaining the details of
The Discordian Society, a beautiful Discordian Society Emblem
(suitable for framing!) and a Certificate to show their new esoteric
status in the Erisian Movement as a Legionnaire. There is also an
Eristocracy: The House of the Apostles of Eris, that is headed by
The Golden Apple Corps (in honour of the Golden Apple of Discord -- the
only extant myth concerning Eris). The Episkoposes (members of
The House) are qualified to speak in the name of Eris, and can be relied upon to
have a profound understanding of the Erisian Mysteries
(which is necessary for ascendance into The Mouse). A Legionnaire
can solicit for Episkopos status by presenting an Eristic work for
examination by the Golden Apple Corps; and if he is found to have
exceptional insight, he will be ascended.
HOW CAN YOU BECOME A DISCORDIAN?
In the first place, if you have read this far you have probably
been a Discordian all along (whether or not you were aware of it
before now). Properly, the question should be: "How may I join
the Legion of Dynamic Discord and, hence, learn the esoteric truths
of the Erisian Mysteries?" The answer is quite simple: just write
a letter announcing your desire to enter The Legion and present it
to the Legionnaire that has shown you this pamphlet; he will pass
it on to an Episkopos who will officially admit you. Remember, this
pamphlet but scratches the surface, and ... our doors are open! (Except
that we don't have a building.)
Gather 'round Children! The time has come to DISORGANISE!
Written under the authority of Our Lady of Discord, ERIS, (by the
hand of Malaclypse (The Younger), H.C., Omnibenevolent Polyfather of
Virginity-in-gold; / in the House of the Apostles of (Eris, subdivision): The Golden Apple Corps; and sub-division: Office of
(High
Priesthood); and in the Administry: sub-division: (Bureau of Symbols,
Emblems, Certificates and Such).
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