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So are you a Discordian?
by Malaclypse (The Younger)

Yes, indeed; you, my friend, may very well be an honest-to-goodness Discordian -- without ever even realizing it! There exists in this world (and has always existed) a healthy number of special people -- yes, very special people -- who are tied (often to their protests) together in a philosophical propensity towards an appreciation of Chaos. Sometimes this is intuitive, sometimes overt, sometimes seemingly accidental; but always, in essence, it is but the Goddess Discordia ("Eris") presenting evidence of Her divinity to this elite society. As far back as we can trace, the Goddess Eris was worshipped by the ancient Greeks as the Deity of Strife and Discord; the Romans re-named Her "Discordia"; but now.... but now She has reappeared on the theological scene once more: THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY IS RETURNED!


There are three movements of Discordianism at large in the world today (actually there are five, but two are remaining hidden where we can't find them). Generally there is the ERISTESQUE MOVEMENT which is absolutely convinced that it is ordering the entire world into a more manageable one; but in fact, bungles things so badly that it perpetrates Divine Chaos to a delightful degree (how easy any of this would be to any well developed Bureaucracy). A few people fall into the ERISTIC Movement: Eristic Avatars, who are individual manifestations of Chaos in thought and action (if you find one, handle them with care, they are precious); and then the Lay Compilers Of Truth, a brilliant bunch, that writes Discordian Holy Writ, without even having an introduction to Eris or the Erisian Mysteries. For example, the best-seller "Catch 22" by Joseph Heller, is a marvellous Eristic work. But none of this represents esoteric enlightenment; and to this end we present: The ERISIAN MOVEMENT, a group dedicated to the theological understanding of Eris and The Principle of Discord, and to disorganizing into one grand chaotic religion all those who can gain sufficient insight.


(Paraphrased from "The Honest Book of Truth" by Lord Omer Khyyam Ravenhurst, H.C., Bull Goose of Limbo & Protector of Switzerland, one of the founders of the Erisian Movement)

Discordianism, as a disorganization, was founded back in 1958 or 59 or something when my colleague, now Malaclypse (The Younger) and I were observing the chaos spread out before us - the immediate vicinity, the state, the nation, the world, verily: The Universe!; when all of a sudden the air became still and no sound arose from around us! And, for no apparent reason, the glare became black as the bowels of midnight! Then ... a piercing scream arose from my friend hidden in the dark, and the earth began to rumble -- then light of fantastic intensity, from nowhere yet from everywhere; and then nothing but stillness and I could stay conscious no longer. Eventually I came to, to find men in the aisles weeping and women mysteriously prostrate across the lanes (we were in a bowling alley at the time) and there before me: Malaclypse (The Younger) in a spasmodic fit on the floor. Quite obviously, something profoundly supernatural had occurred. My friend was revived and stammered out the following account of his vision:

"It is so obvious now! How blind we have been! All of this chaos could not have just happened -- it is no coincidence that Pickering's Moon goes around in reverse orbit, or that the Pentagon is riddled with -- aye, founded upon -- confusion! Somebody had to put all this discord here!" "Yes, yes, yes," shouted I (for then it was clear, now once stated). Cried he: "And you. my friend, and I have a Holy Appointment; together we shall found a new religion -- The True Religion -- under the guidance of the supernatural Power you just witnessed: that of the Goddess of Discord!" And with that, he promptly swooned again, not to awaken for five days and five nights. Over the next five years, we, together, probed and researched the philosophies of the world, discovering that the Greeks and Romans had known Her (in an imperfect form) and that She had lain all but dormant as a known deity for two thousand years. As time passed, and the work continued, and insight followed glorious insight, the Erisian DISCORDIANISM was born.


Generally, Erisian Discordians are in The Legion of Dynamic Discord and as Legionnaires they respect Chaos of all sorts, acknowledge the divine status of Eris, and pass out literature and things. Upon acceptance into The Legion (which is granted upon request) they receive a packet of all sorts of garbage explaining the details of The Discordian Society, a beautiful Discordian Society Emblem (suitable for framing!) and a Certificate to show their new esoteric status in the Erisian Movement as a Legionnaire. There is also an Eristocracy: The House of the Apostles of Eris, that is headed by The Golden Apple Corps (in honour of the Golden Apple of Discord -- the only extant myth concerning Eris). The Episkoposes (members of The House) are qualified to speak in the name of Eris, and can be relied upon to have a profound understanding of the Erisian Mysteries (which is necessary for ascendance into The Mouse). A Legionnaire can solicit for Episkopos status by presenting an Eristic work for examination by the Golden Apple Corps; and if he is found to have exceptional insight, he will be ascended.


In the first place, if you have read this far you have probably been a Discordian all along (whether or not you were aware of it before now). Properly, the question should be: "How may I join the Legion of Dynamic Discord and, hence, learn the esoteric truths of the Erisian Mysteries?" The answer is quite simple: just write a letter announcing your desire to enter The Legion and present it to the Legionnaire that has shown you this pamphlet; he will pass it on to an Episkopos who will officially admit you. Remember, this pamphlet but scratches the surface, and ... our doors are open! (Except that we don't have a building.)

Gather 'round Children! The time has come to DISORGANISE!

Written under the authority of Our Lady of Discord, ERIS, (by the hand of Malaclypse (The Younger), H.C., Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity-in-gold; / in the House of the Apostles of (Eris, subdivision): The Golden Apple Corps; and sub-division: Office of (High Priesthood); and in the Administry: sub-division: (Bureau of Symbols, Emblems, Certificates and Such).

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