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What you are reading is a collection of works from around this globe written by me and many other weirdo's who have chosen to invite Eris Kallisti Discordia into our lives in the vain hope that we can bring about the raising of universal consciousness of this infernal rock we live on.

Actually, this rewrite of my web site came about because I was asked to write an article on Chaos Magic for a new Australian magazine called Spellcraft. One of the editors of that magazine was obviously running short of material and this is probably the only reason she approached me for the task.

As a courtesy for our readers, here is the article - just so that you're in the loop or you may have missed the article. Mind you, Nothing is True so what you are reading is the final draft before it was sent to the editor. What actually appears in print is one of those mysteries Eris.

Chaos Magic 101

Few realise that we have our very own Pope here in Australia. Rev. Pope Kael is the pope of “The Discordian Illuminati! of Australia.” DIA for short. He is also fast approaching saint hood for his services rendered to humanity in aiding the spread of the Chaos and Discordian faiths. His business card describes him as a:-

  • Global Network Administrator

  • Part Time Galactic President

  • Fixer of Broken Things

  • And Apostle of Eris

Now don’t be daunted by these grandiose titles. In the words of DIA’s most holy and revered saint, Douglas Adams “…He’s really just a regular kind of Guy!”

Wanting only the very best for our readers, I thought that I should approach this supreme authority on Chaos Magick and Discordia in Australia to explain it in theory and practise for beginners - EDITOR

Well thank you for that wonderful introduction; you almost make it sound like I’m some sort of authority in the grand scheme of things. Oh, by the way, did you realise that 101 is the binary representation of the number 5?

Sorry, I’m probably getting ahead of myself there <grinz>, and Doug may also have said “he’s just one hoopy frood” which resonates better with my real personality. The real problem I have with discussing Chaos Magic and Discordianism with a group is that there is no “paint by numbers” system. I prefer to discuss it one-on-one with people because I need to approach the discussion from the perspective of the other persons ‘reality tunnel’.

I could start by saying that "If you immediately know the candle light is fire then the meal was cooked long ago" and you would probably think I’m quoting a verse inscribed on the wall of some Buddhist temple (or I’m a raving lunatic), but it actually comes from Season 3 Episode 20 of Stargate SG1 the Sci-Fi TV series.  But this quote is probably the simplest statement I can find to easily sum up what Chaos Magic is really all about. If I was to use a more universal semantic, it would go something like this – If I was to tell you what Chaos Magic is, I’d be influencing your reality tunnel and you would probably decide against taking the journey yourself. I could also say “In the beginning, Eris created the heavens and the earth from the Primordial Chaos, and from this division she created the first “Strange Attractor” and a small Mandelbrot of Order was made manifest.” And again, this probably only makes sense to people who have studied Chaos Theory (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaos_Theory)

But what is Magic anyway? Is it not a science like electro-magnetism? 400 years ago, this subject was the exclusive domain of Alchemists and Philosophers, but now it is an integral part of our life yet 99% of the population still don’t understand it. Although I have a solid understanding of Electromagnetism, I prefer to simply flick the switch to turn the light on, and this is the same approach I use with Chaos magic. The more I use it, the more I understand it, but I don’t need to understand it to use it.

I don’t think anyone really knows when Chaos Theory evolved into Chaos Magic, but it is said by a few disrespectable sources that it was first dreamed up by a couple of weirdo’s at a bowling alley some time in the late 50’s. If I may quote from “The Book of the Law” (see http://www.principiadiscordia.com/) – “We are a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who are intrigued with ERIS the GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with Her Doings.”

What is The Principia, you ask? It is the Magnum Opiate of Malaclypse the Younger, a.k.a. Mal 2 or Greg Hill. This work is often erroneously attributed to either Kerry Thornley a.k.a. Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, Richard Nixon, Timothy Leary, Oberon Zell-Ravenheart and Robert Anton Wilson or a combination of the above, by deeply suspicious minds. In it is explained absolutely everything worth knowing about absolutely anything.

In fact, I could write pages and pages of stuff about Chaos Magic and the key initiators who energised the egregore, but Phil Hine published “Oven Ready Chaos” (see http://www.dia.net.au/oven_ready_chaos.pdf) and therefore saved me the trouble – ROFLMAO!

If someone was sufficiently vain and stupid enough to explore Chaos Magic, I would suggest the best approach is to read The Principia Discordia and then follow up and read “The Illiminatus! Trilogy” by Robert Anton Wilson. Yes, these books are still in print and can be obtained easily through Amazon.com.

Chaos Magic brings together many diverse forms of esoterica (yes this is a real word even though Microsoft doesn’t have it in their dictionary), but the particular flavour I like is Discordianism - This is the veneration of the goddess Eris and her infinite beauty. So who is Eris I hear you ask? She is a Greek deity referenced in a number of works circa 700BC, and her principal areas of alignment are Chaos, Discord and Confusion, Strife and Turmoil which when we take a closer look at it are the 5 main practices of modern society and hence probably the most active Archetype of our modern era, but no one has caught on yet. The story of Eris goes something like this:-

THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD

It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*

This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.

Now, three of the invited goddesses, *** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punches all over the place and everything.

Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion being a god and all, and everyone agreed (probably because he was the top dog). He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.

Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Naturally, being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.

As she had promised, she manoeuvred earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (yes, the Helen) then living with her husband. The Trojan War followed when Menelaus, King of Sparta, demanded their Queen back.

Anyway, everyone knows that that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men. And so we suffer because of the Original Snub.

And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns on Saturdays.

* This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of metallic gold or Acapulco gold.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Law of Fives.

So how would I identify a Chaos Magician? He’s probably the guy who casts circle with a light sabre. But as for being Discordian, we are better described as the proverbial “fence sitter” when it comes to magical evocation. If a magical operation is too ordered, it’s my job to add a little chaos and vice versa and one of the best tools in my magical arsenal is to use laughter as the key operating energy.

Another thing about Chaos magic is its simplicity. There are very few magical numbers or symbols common to all Chaos Magicians, but the number 5 and 23 are the most common. There is also the number 17, but we don’t like to talk about that one. As for universal symbolism, we have the Sacred Chao, the Apple, the Pentagon and the Pyramid set with the Eye of Horus. As for our tenets, all Discordian’s start their journey as a Pope of the Discordian church and as a Pope we have the following mandate;

  • To save the immortal tortured soul of anyone deemed necessary.

  • To claim act of God/Goddess as excuse for anything deemed necessary.

  • To Baptise, Marry or Bury (with the permission of the deceased in the latter two cases) in the name of whomever they think holy at the moment (i.e. Elvis, Jim Morrison, Yoda etc).

  • To Excommunicate, De-communicate, Re-excommunicate, De-re-communicate, induct, indict, or impeach anyone they damn well please.

  • To perform any rites, rituals, ceremonies, or congress deemed viewable by the motion picture association of Discordia.

  • To perform all rites and functions deemed to be improper to a Pope of Discordia.

  • To invoke infallibility at any time, including retroactively.

  • To completely rework the structure of the Erisian Church.

As a matter of course I suppose I should also include Eris’s rebuttal to the “Myth of the Apple of Discord” just so that your readers have both sides of the story.

ERIS TELLS HER SIDE OF THE STORY
By Eris Kallisti Discordia
- Hail Eris!

First off, I would to thank Rev.Pope Kael for the opportunity to finally set the record straight.

First of all, the reason I was not allowed at the wedding banquet was NOT because I had a reputation as a trouble maker, it was because all the other Goddess were jealous of me because I was always the life of the party, and all the other Gods lusted after me.

Yes I admit I was miffed at being snubbed, but I got over it real quickly.

The whole "Golden Apple" thing was not about revenge, it was a wedding gift for Thetis (Everyone knows that at a wedding, "the prettiest one" can only ever be the bride). It came as a surprise to me that after having Hephaestus fashion this beautiful gift and then be told that I couldn't go, so all I could do was simply roll my gift in, hoping one of those morons in there would get the hint, and present it to the bride-to-be.

But NOOOOOO! Those cackling hens that call themselves Goddesses decided to fight amongst themselves for possession of the Apple. And yes, there were five goddesses squabbling over the damn thing. The other two were Ceres (goddess of agriculture), and Nike (goddess of victory).

So, when Zeus gave Paris the task of choosing who the Apple is given to, he could have done the right thing and given it to Thetis, but Noooooo!!!!!! Those petty Goddesses used various forms of bribery, rather than just being adults for a change. (And for the record, Ceres offered Paris a lifetime supply of Cherrios, and since Athena already offered Paris victory in battle, Nike was forced to try to bribe Paris with a pair of sneakers.)

So you see, the whole Trojan War incident wasn't really my fault - but I sure took heat for it! So there, that's my story, and I am sticking to it!

Hail Me, all hail Me!

Eris KALLISTI Discordia

Well, that about covers it as a primer, so if anyone has an uncontrollable need to find out more, they can either pour a complete circle of salt around themselves & their computer, face the east and chant their personal mantra so they can ensure that no harm befalls them & their pets, place this magazine in their oven, add some nutmeg & egg whites, whisk & bake for 40 minutes – or you could contact me on kael@dia.net.au.

In Light, Life, Liberty, Lechery and Laughter (Law of Fives)

Rev. Pope Kael
http://www.dia.net.au

Hail Eris, all hail Discordia!

  This site was last updated 14-Jul-2006

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